When a room is no longer just four walls
When a pillow and a bed no longer means a good night’s rest
A cellphone no longer just a means of communication
A simple couch, yet It no longer just reminds me of a lazy Saturday afternoon
A reflection of myself in the mirror is no longer that of a strong, happy, soulful woman….
Where did it change?
It changed when I cried so much
In a room with no one but myself to console my wounded self
It changed when I spent so many nights lying next to you, listening to your snoring while sobbing uncontrollably
It changed when I started spending a countless number of nights staring into my phone
Hoping you would return my calls to tell me you’re alright
But instead, the clock kept ticking
But no sign of you
It changed when I spent so many days sitting on the couch, by myself,
After you threw me on the couch and left
Who have I become?
I don’t recognize this woman who walks in weakness
And no longer remembers anything else in life, but hurt
How did my intentions of loving you unconditionally turn into something so ugly?
How could you break someone who wanted nothing else but to build a future with you?
Through it all, I pray for a heart that forgives
A spirit, soul, heart and mind so brave that it does not fear giving love again
And surrendering to love
I pray for better days
Where all my tears will be turned into joy
Where all the hurt will be converted into joy
Joy and love so great that I will write you a letter and thank you
Thanking you for all the hurt that led me in the right direction
To a heart that is guided by God!
Mamusa is an only child who was born in Johannesburg, Leratong, but grew up with her grandparents in a small town called Piet Retief in Mpumalanga. She is a beautiful, smart, female black mechanical engineer
She spent all her teenage years in a catholic boarding school, where she lived a diverse life marked with episodes of rebelliousness at certain stages in her life. Nonetheless, she still turned out better that most people imagined.
She is a happy vibrant person who has a lot of creative energy but has spent the past 28 years of her life worrying about what people will think of her and whether she will be accepted in society or not. She has immersed herself in a career that she has no passion for in order to have stability and security of income.
Recently, she has decided to live for herself. She has started pursuing a career in fashion design (part time at this stage). A career she has always had a passion for but lacked the boldness and courage to pursue it. She has started dancing and writing poetry. She has started living for herself and is discovering a new side to her own personality each day.
She has learnt to embrace herself for who she is and no longer concern herself with people’s opinions.