Surviving…by Tshepo Molefe

Tshepo Molefe | December 21st, 2017 | poetry | No Comments

I am my father’s cooking
Lacking maternal love
In each stir
I am Marvin’s (Gaye) orphaned notes
Singing Ma back to life
My family is the result of wishing for the dead
And being answered by silence…
My family is the apology
Stuck in between the grave’s cynical teeth
My sister is the salt in my father’s tears
Or his cooking
I am my family’s problems
I am my father’s fiery tongue
Aimed at my sister
Her rage is what turned her to ash…
I am a concoction of my father’s expectation
Of me
I am drowning in my father’s disappointment
Of me
I am downing cheap liquor
To stay afloat
I am every man
Drowning any part that feels anything
In alcohol
I also mean
I’m every man drowning their inner child’s wishes
In alcohol

I’m every patient at the bar
Who chose ethanol
For healing
I’m every son whose answered the question of grief
Through malt
I’m every child
Missing their mother
Through malt
I’m every son
Who has replaced their mother
With malt
I’m tipsy…
And looking for a party to contain all of me
I’m tipsy…
And searching for a bar I can spill into
I’m drunk
And searching for reasons to live
I’m drunk
And struggling to survive…
I’m drunk
And barely breathing…
I’m drunk
And barely breathing…
I’m drunk
And barely…

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