My room for disappointments needs to be extended
It seems it is the dearest prayers of my heart that are not heavenly comprehended
Those thousand miles have multiplied to a million, and impossible to walk
Those sweet words have turned sour to heed and bitter to talk
Say something, I’m giving up… on myself.
If I lose me, I lose You. If I lose You, I lose everything.
You are the author of my faith, my being and my life, in its entirety.
Sometimes it’s like You give me so much hope just to eventually see me crushed beneath the weight of adversity.
And the more I believe, the less I receive
The less I’m relieved, the more I’m deceived
A true test of patience
I find bliss in the center of ignorance
Instead of knowing You enough, I’m busy chasing your gifts.
But You reach out to me through my convictions instead of using these mega priests.
You heal my soul from the inside.. but when I open my eyes, I’m still the same unworthy bride
My heart is saddened by the thought that I keep falling short of Your glory
My spirit comforted by Your Spirit, assuring me that You’ll keep picking me up ’cause You called me to be holy.
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No matter how much I try to fix myself, I fail.
Even to fully understand that You’ve already paid my bail; for Your own sake.
That’s probably my worst mistake
To be adorned by so much love and not see it for what it truly is
Will You forgive me, please!
I desire Your will above mine
And if this is Your will, please give me a sign.
I continually cry for Your divine intervention
When it all happened 2000 years ago on the cross of redemption
So, Your answered my prayer before I even had words to utter
Truly, You perceive my thoughts from afar
If You are all I have, then I have everything I want. And if you take away everything, Lord, I still have You.
I now know that my desires are beyond the standards of this world
My longings, nothing in this world can satisfy
Surely, I am not made for here.
I am only made for You.
With loss of consciousness my world enlightened dims
I am suddenly blinded and nothing is what it seems.
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I keep losing You while thinking that I’m at the top of my game
While I’m being crushed beneath the plays of my own mind games.
But after everything, I am always drawn to repentance because of Your kindness
In ways I can’t explain You help me to find myself.
You love me so much that You protect me, even from myself.
And that’s beautiful!
The more I seek You, the more I find You.
The more I find You, the more I love You.
The more I love You, the more I find myself in total awareness that everything I am simply parallel all the plans You have for me.
And with that, I stand here in complete contentment.
Poet in constant, persistent pursuit of contentment.