I Don’t Want Your Dough by Leslie Bivans

Leslie Bivans | Jan 15th, 2020 | poetry | No Comments


I wanted to want you wanted me.
I tried to work around your edges
-razor sharp but meaningfully soft on substance
Like stale bread
Or white people mac and cheese with peas in it.
I tried to want you.
Make of you beloved.
Tried to bring us to life
But it was flat-like re-buttered next day rice in a dusty microwave,
While pointy kernels embedded themselves in my back molars
and made my gums bleed.
You and I are conjunctivitis bad-
-cataracts blind cuz you couldn’t see me,
And I couldn’t watch you not see me.
We were off- like Stevie Wonder’s hairline.
I’m tired of circling around you-we are a mouse and a rat on a wheel.
Am I the predator or the prey?
It don’t matter-, close your eyes and pick one.
We ain’t never gonna be the same Kingdom, phylum, class, order , genus ,species
Our 3.14 is a rotten pie.
I can’t live this life with you- we are stripes and polka dots mounted on ugly brocade,
And I only see you woefully proud in black pants with brown shoes.
But all God’s chillun got travelin’ shoes-
‘Cept mine are shiny and yours be used.
Men like you- used to infect me, inject me
But I’ve acquired a booster shot and now I’m immune.
You thought me a delicacy-but you be cheap champagne and ripple and your liquid don’t bring mine.
I know you wish to lay me down,
Spread my legs and rest there like i’m a warm pita,
All smooth on the outside,
-and wet toppings within.
I can’t let you lay it down with me-when your mattress is hard but you ain’t.
Just cuz you wanted to touch places in me that sing night notes-when we ain’t in the same song.
We are simply living like old electricity
Filaments in a blown light bulb,
And I’m just laying here with a fresh bulb, waiting for an electrician-
To screw me in
And turn me on.-

Poet Bio

Leslie Bivans, a Connecticut native is a retired corrections officer and now a writer/actress and dreamer. She has an MA in Creative Writing and a head full of big dreams and ideas. Leslie has been writing poetry and short stories for most of her life. She has also been expanding her writing lungs by trying on sci-fi and fantasy writing. Most of her work features African American female protagonists. Most often, Leslie can be found jotting down interesting words on any available scrap of paper. She would like nothing more than to live in a cottage on the water, or a huge treehouse with electricity (with a walk-in closet) and a pet dragon.

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