I’m learning
I’m learning to be patient with myself
Like my grandmother’s unsteady hands trying to pull a thread through the eye of a needle
I’m learning that patience is tolerance practised every day with thyself
I’m learning kindness
I’m teaching my lips to say words of affirmation
To spew positivity like a faucet that has been drowning, aching for a touch, a turn of human hands
I’m teaching myself the art of romance
How to become intimate with myself without hurting my skin
To be gentle with parts of me that have been savagely dismembered
I’m learning the beauty of spoken words
Of poetry
Of wordsmiths
I’m hoping to mend the Severed connection between my Spirit and humanity
I’m learning to eat
To develop an appetite where I only hunger for myself
And I open my mouth wide like the centre of the ocean,
To eat all that I am and for my hunger to be sated
I am learning that I carry a garden between my legs
Even if my petals have been rearranged it’s okay
I don’t Bleed as much
I don’t hurt as much
I have turned the soil and I am planting anew
I am learning to forgive myself
For expecting so much that I killed myself
Drowned myself in things that took from me
Things I can never get back
I hope to forgive myself for neglecting my God and living like I am a peasant
These acts of violence marred me
Scarred me
I want to experience unencumbered love
I am learning still…
Ntaoleng Patience Labane is a poet and writer from the Free State. She’s a two time winning slam champion, author of Poetry Diary of a Feeling Soul, podcast host of Her Thoughts, and part of the Radioactive poetry collective. She’s also a visual artist and vocalist.