God, I almost had it by Thubelihle Chance Ntombela

I liked sleeping.
I wanted a sleep so deep
and uninterrupted.
not death, I mean really be wrapped
around my brown sheets
for hours on end.
I didn’t want to have to worry
about whether or not
they’ve found the missing girls in Nigeria,
if my tap is still leaking,
if I ran out of sugar,
or if I talked to someone’s daughter
for more than ten minutes.
nothing mattered to me honestly.
I often slept with a book or tv remote
in my hand and when I woke up,
I wanted nothing more than to drift
into a deep sleep again.
some would call it being lazy
but my dad thought I was on heavy drugs
and insisted that I go to the rural areas
to detox or he’ll disown me.
I never heard from him again,
it’s been four years.
this other night I woke up startled
in the middle of the night
as if there was someone in my apartment,
I kept wondering if a person can die
from sleeping too much or at least go insane.
I shaved my head bald
on that same night,
read letters to Milena
and cried because I thought
there’s no way I can end this loneliness
without annihilating myself.

Thubelihle Chance Ntombela is a content creator, author, social activist and mental health advocate. My writings explore my inner world to relate to the outer world. Usually my nonverbal content tackles the issues of sexuality, gender norms, mental health, fashion, lifestyle and our every day life. I have been involved in creating methodology for how the process of writing can be used as a tool for therapy. I have written and self published three books called “Letters To Erin”, “Not You Too” and “Beginning At The End, Maybe” and currently working on releasing a novel called Close Encounters.