Somebody once told me I was loveless
Was I twelve? perhaps thirteen
I remember feeling nothing when I was told I was loveless
I do remember, though, the doubt in my mother’s face
For she overheard it, just at the entrance of the room, Where I was told I was loveless
I followed her with my eyes serving tea,
She dared not look me in the eye.
She sipped from the cup and pretended not hearing that I was loveless.
The cat came over and jumped on my lap, I dared not pet it and let my arms fall by my side like logs breaking free from the pile, tumbling down the hill, crushing everything in their path.
I watched Phyllis from the corner of my eye, surveyed her every move, her voice, her smile, her all, for that ounce of doubt.
You see, I call my mother by her name; Phyllis .
Come to think about it;
Is that because I’m loveless?
Phyllis…Is that so?
She sipped from her tea again and smiled at somebody,
“The cat, he loves it on her lap although she doesn’t pet it,
I love it on her lap even though she doesn’t touch me”
Somebody smiled back at Phyllis,
glanced back at me in disgust
“Do you love me?”
I jumped off my seat, I remember well. The cat stopped purring.
“Do you love me? Phyllis asked as she stood up and caressed my head.
“I don’t know.”
Unknowingly I started petting the cat and the moment I did, he jumped down and walked away.
“I don’t know”
“Are you loveless?”
” I haven’t learned how to love yet” I answered
“You will” Phyllis answered back.
“Until then, you are loveless”
The cat jumped back into my lap making sure I didn’t touch him. As soon as he did he started purring. I dared not pet him because for now, I am loveless.
Somebody stood up and put on her fur coat and before leaving she told mother how much she loved cats, and dogs too and flowers, and Phyllis and her own family, and all humans and the world and the universe and god.
Author of six published books, 2 in English, one upcoming fantasy novel in English “MaXistra:Tales of Fortune” to be published abroad. Raised in Spain an the UK, I have won prizes for creative writing. I write in 3 languages.