Sometimes i resent my lover, her fetish of self-loathing and self-destruction are exhausting
The pity parties she has hosted for herself have always granted her a VIP ticket to the rock bottom
A sunken place i always have to bail her out of
She is a mess
An orchestrated chaos, a fruit too ripe to eat
A ticking time bomb i always have to dismantle
My lover does not give me enough credit
For the times I showed up, the times I looked fear in the eyes and triumphed
Sometimes I resent her for the times she takes the high road for the sake of peace.
For occasions, she has to taste someone else’s medicine
for times she hears everyone’s thoughts except her own
For times she hears sees the audience in the mirror but fails to see herself
Only because society conditioned her to accept less, be lesser than, always until there was nothing of her
my lover’s journey to wholesome is still a long way
Until she learns to create her own sun i will always put out the wildfires she starts
Every time she cuts herself in half by unkind words
I will breathe life into her nostrils and teach her to use self-kindness as a needle to sew us back together
this poem is about me confronting my demons and complacency. i am trying to recapture self-love that escaped me when i wasn’t aware. i am criticizing myself at the same time being patient with my self-growth.
rock bottom- a state where nothing but sadness and depression originates from.
sunken place- a term from the movie, ‘ get out’, an ugly emotionally draining state of mind
breathing life into nostrils- since i am one with the creator, i have power to create life within myself.
she is a writer, an aspiring published poet. writing is her first religion and always managed to write herself out of life’s darkest and most difficult situation. she is also trying to navigate life as a 22-year-old black young woman, currently studying law. she is at a stage in her life where she is disrupting the norm, questioning the core reasoning behind her beliefs. she has more than 50 typed poems, hoping to get her break to being published soon