The Monster In Me by Playing_The_NerdQuotes

Fear.

It lives within me.

Breathes within me.

Comes alive within me.

It is me.

Oh how I wish that memories were easy to erase.

And that I wouldn’t have to feel pain.

I weep in so many ways.

And far too many times.

Mostly silent, dying inside.

These memories won’t let me go.

These memories won’t let me live.

Far too many times I try to speak.

But “ hush ” they say.

In more ways than one.

And I find myself grasping for air as they pull me down.

I’m home they tell me.

But this is Hell.

“ This can’t be home ” I scream.

I’ve got fear riddling in my bones.

For the things I remember but cannot speak.

For the things I saw but cannot forget.

The things that broke my heart ever so silently, slowly killing every single part of me.

I think of life quite too much.

And I find myself full of questions that might never be answered.

And then I stand to question what sins could one have ever committed to sign me up for such degrees of cruelty.

With barely any mercy.

Sometimes in life, you want to believe that things will get better.

But how do you believe that when everything keeps falling apart?

How do you keep hoping that the sun will rise when all you’ve ever known is darkness?

Truly, you will never understand and I cannot explain.

I am an introverted girl born and bred in the busy and lively streets of Soweto. I write poetry to shed pain, sometimes to remember what it feels like and sometimes I write because I want to know I’m not alone in my defeat. I write for those who don’t have the courage to speak up. I write because poetry lives within me.