Poem 1: Through you, I now know…
Through you, I now know what love should not be like
All the more reason why I should think of your betrayal and lick my lips off the sweet taste that the thought leaves me with
I should smile from ear to ear
Breathe in the fresh air surrounding me
Sigh deeply at the freedom
The joy
Hold the deep feeling of serenity close to my bosom
Oh how bizarre it is
That one could draw so much good from something that I would have with my very own tongue forbidden
I would have prayed day and night
Pleaded with God to never bring me to such a place
It is true, He always knows best
As it was said…
He has counted each and every strand of hair on our heads
He knows exactly which pains we need to go through in order to blossom
I sit and close my eyes, and smile
As the beautiful feeling of loneliness consumes me
Not in a bad way
But in a way that brings out gratitude from the deepest place in my heart
As I realise how circumstances have forced me to spend time with myself
To find myself
To be introduced once again to the woman I ought to be
The woman I neglected so long in pursuit of poison that I saw as sweet honey
And kept drinking…
…and drinking…
And drinking…
Until I could drink no more
As the taste of sweetness turned bitter upon my taste buds
So bitter that no matter what courage, willingness or state of mind I was in…
I could no longer drink from the jar of sweetness gone bitter with a smile on my face as I previously had
All I could do was sit and let nature take its course
Let events unfold as it was written in God’s books of wisdom
And allow the process of regurgitation to take place
Without my control, it happened
Cleansing me
Detoxing me of all the poison I had consumed
Allowed me to be the woman I ought to be
A woman who knows exactly what love should not be like
One who is in touch with her soul
One who just discovered what beautiful conversations she can have with her inner self
One who will allow no one in her life,
Unless they fall deeply head over hills in love with her soul
Her beautiful,
Flawed,
Sensitive,
Dented,
Yet magnificent soul
A soul so magnificent that with more wounds it seeks to bleed
But to bleed love and pour it out to those who are wise enough to open their hearts
And allow them to act as reservoirs to her bleeding
To a point where it no longer matters how many wounds her soul bleeds from
As her bleeding love has found a reservoir that will forever capture and cherish…
Each and every droplet……
Mamusa is an only child who was born in Johannesburg, Leratong, but grew up with her grandparents in a small town called Piet Retief in Mpumalanga. She is a beautiful, smart, female black mechanical engineer