Trauma is your skin by Siphiwe Hlongwane

I have been watching you
Living your life
like it was an apology
To the happy faces around you
Like it was meaningless
A pointless existence
Playing your part behind
Closed curtains
Feeling like a regret
That won’t go away,
Tell me, how does it
Feel to fear the sound
Of your own name?
Because it carries with it
Every trauma that has become your skin
You look like a heavy burden
To yourself
Your face is an apology
For doing nothing wrong
You force out sad smiles
That would rather be tears
But you cannot cry in public
You always feel like a child wishing
It was never born
A bitter taste
A trauma
Trying to find a glimmer of happiness
In you
Is searching for a niddle
In a haystack.