I sit on the velvety couch
While the smell
Of fragrant bay leaf
Streams out of the kitchen
The crackling of the oil lamp
Pinching the air
My grandmother
Sits opposite me
“How was school, ma?”
Partee
Asks me
Voice carrying a gentle lilt
The words drip off her tongue
Like sweet honey
A swirling potion
Of familiarity
Safety
Home
That my thirsty heart drinks up
“ Ohrrrrr, it was orkaaaaay”
The words coat my lips with frost
Cold
And unfamiliar
My tongue
My confused
Betraying tongue
Spits its whiteness
All over the one person that
Connects me to my culture
Tells my soul
Where it belongs
She looks down
Golden, turmeric-stained hands fumbling
“Where did this twang come from”
Dark eyes frantically searching for
The granddaughter she lost
“Must be that white school”
Funny, though
Because the next day
As I sat in History
Listening intently to the
“Ohrrrr’s”
And “Yaaaaa’s”
And “Naurrrr heyyyyy’s”
My friend swings her chair around
“Orrrr- Emmm- Geee, how did you durrrr on the teeeesttt?”
“I got ‘leven out of twelve”
The words sit there in my throat
Like heavy stones lodged in a riverbed
My tongue
My confused
Betraying tongue
Paints me in bright red
As if to shout
“Everyone look at me, I don’t belong here!”
Embarrassment chokes me
I have spent 15 years of my life
Trying to camouflage myself
In the whiteness
My tongue is a tangled mess
Unsure of who it wants to be
Like a chameleon
That constantly changes its scales
From white to brown
White to brown
White to brown
Diya Gounder is a 14 year old student at Durban Girls’ College. She has a deep passion for writing and poetry and dreams of one day having her poems published. She loves exploring societal issues through poetry and has written this poem to convey the confusing nature of cultural identity and how existing in two radically different environments can impact one’s sense of identity and belonging.
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Excellent poem! Keep writing.